


Eyes Through the Looking Glass

by Liketoolegittoquit



Category: Frozen (2013)
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Carry over from FF.net, Dark!Elsa, F/F, Fallenhearts13, Other, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-10
Updated: 2014-04-28
Packaged: 2018-01-15 07:00:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1295755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liketoolegittoquit/pseuds/Liketoolegittoquit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU with throwbacks to The Snow Queen- Elsa finds a mirror after moving to her new room and starts acting very funny, indeed. A dark, twisted retelling that calls the sister's sanity into question. Has the potential to be Icest, though it's not guaranteed.<br/>Violence and self harm</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: Chapter 1

" _They're going to be coming for you, you know that, right?"_  
"Shut up!"  
" _They're going to be right on your tail- torches and pitch forks and anger. They're going to kill you._ "  
"It was an accident!"  
" _They don't care about that; they saw magic- they saw what it could do- and they're going to take any steps necessary to remove it._ "  
"What do I do?!"  
" _You run. You run until you can't go any further, and then you fight._ "  
"Will you help me?"  
And Elsa wasn't completely sure, but she felt as though the voice in her head, the one that had been with her for years, cooing to her gently with words of wisdom and support; she felt as though it had suddenly turned as cold as the air around them.  
" _My dear, I thought you'd never ask._ "

xXx

When Elsa had first moved into the Blue Room- what they had called the spare room down the hall from her and Anna's bed chambers- it hadn't been used in years.  
Dignitaries were typically given beds in the west hall, over the ballroom and facing the courtyard; the royal family however, was set in the east wing; their rooms facing the fjord and town proper- Anna had always loved watching the night sky's lights as they danced, illuminating the waters of the harbor.

Anna.

Elsa turned her head away from her window and instead brought her attention to the rest of the room- a wardrobe, two night tables, a beautiful rug and a desk, of which the leather top was engraved with the same pattern as her new door.

The maids had done a fine job keeping the room free of dust, in spite of its lack of habitation, but it was obvious that no one had paid this place any mind in a very long time; if she remembered correctly, the last time this room had been occupied, it had been by her great grandmother, who had lived in the castle for her entire life but died long before she and Anna had been born.

Her father sometimes spoke of her, when they toured the portrait hall- her great grandmother had never ruled- her husband, Erik, had been first in line, but disgraced himself before he could take the throne-his own father passing over him for his younger brother, Aaron, who lead the kingdom into prosperity and Erik died not long after the birth of his first and only child.  
Aaron, however, had been unable to provide heirs for himself, naming instead her father's father as crown prince before he passed.

And her great grandmother, Elisabeth, had never remarried- word was that after her husband's death, she rarely left the grounds and had become rather withdrawn.

Elsa sat at the escritoire, the very same that must have belonged to her distant grandmother, and ran her hands along the embossed surface.  
It was similar to the one her father had in his study, though this one was done in whites and blues; after a few minutes of contemplation she stood and opened her wardrobe, changing into her night dress and curled up into her bed.  
She cried herself to sleep that night, wishing she had her sister's constant chatter to help calm her.

xXx

A week after moving into the room, she started her studies again.  
Her tutors had assigned her a book on French conjugations and she was almost excited to start- French was her favorite subject, after spelling.  
Sitting at the desk, she looked around for her pen and ink well, confused when she couldn't find them- perhaps they had gotten lost in the move- it wasn't probable, but the desk could possibly have some type of writing utensil, even if only a pencil.  
Opening the top drawer, she reached her fingers towards the back, coming in contact with, instead of a pen, something flat and covered in cloth.  
Pulling it forward, she looked down- the fabric had come loose, and she found herself staring at her own reflection.  
An old antique hand mirror made of plain silver.  
She picked it up, turning it over and scanning the back, her eyes falling on the runes carved into the back.  
"I-H-N?" She thought back to her lessons in the old alphabet, but no matter what she tried, she couldn't make sense of the letters. Maybe they were initials? She ran her fingers over the symbols and winced, bringing her finger to her mouth.  
Something had stuck her.  
If she had been looking at the glass, she may have noticed that despite having no face to reflect, her eyes were still there, wicked glee apparent in the blue.

xXx

When Elsa was still young- before she had truly understood what she had agreed to- she would entertain herself.  
At first, she would read.  
She would read everything and anything she could get her hands on.  
But, as her proficiency went up, so did the amount of books she would need to remain occupied.  
That was her first mistake.  
You see, the worst thing a person can do is learn about the things they can never have.  
And that's all Elsa did.  
She learnt about botany, about weather, about geography and culture. She learnt about trade and economics and history and bit by bit, year by year, she realized that she might never actually use any of this information.  
Because her control never grew.

Elsa's second mistake was listening.  
But you couldn't blame her for being lonely- for listening to any words of comfort that could be had- for feeling safe and warm when someone understood her and didn't fear her and didn't flinch.  
It was the voice that, in her teens, encouraged, gently, for her to read more about the generals, about their ancestors, about runes and language and naval strategy.  
Her mother had started to worry, as she noticed her daughter's tastes change, but her father had been thrilled- 'what a leader she would be,' he'd exclaim, whenever his wife would broach the topic, 'how well read she is!'  
And well-read Elsa was.  
And the voice was pleased, and would tell her so, and hearing that someone, even someone who didn't-couldn't- exist was proud made Elsa flush with excitement and joy.  
And so she learned. She learned and memorized and practiced.  
But most importantly, she listened.  
And while this may be how our story begins, it's nowhere near how it ends.

xXx

When Elsa slept that night, after finding the mirror in the drawer, she realized her dreams had turned dark- but when she awoke, she could hardly remember them- the only image in her head her sister, cold and still and unmoving.  
It strengthened her resolve to keep Anna safe at any cost.  
She found her sheets were thrown off her bed and that she woke exhausted and during her studies she noticed her mind wandering- images of the mountains in the distance, she knew it to be them by their shape, but seen in detail that she could never possess herself. And from the desk, her own eyes waited, glowing dimly in the dark of the drawer.

xXx

Her parents noticed that she seemed distracted.  
They would have to call her name a few times before she would respond, and when she did it always seemed hesitant and forced, as if she hadn't been fully certain of what they had been saying.  
But surely, this was because of the stress of the past weeks- and they let her be, because of course it would get better once she acclimated.  
Elsa herself wasn't sure why her head had been so fuzzy lately- but every time she tried to focus her attention shifted to the window.  
Maybe she was just feeling a bit confined.  
But one night she woke up crying, her sister's name echoing through the room and she had to resist the urge to retch.  
She felt pale- her skin was beading with sweat and she was trembling and her eyes burnt, like she had held a candle to them.  
She stumbled out of her bed, tangled and tripping in the sheets, and collapsed in front of the desk, fumbling for the mirror- her eyes, she needed to see her eyes- something, something was wrong with them.  
Once her hands met the cool metal and glass she crawled towards the fireplace, which had some light left in it and threw on a log, waiting for it to catch and illuminate the area.  
But the mirror showed nothing unusual- her eyes seemed fine, blue and blinking back at her.  
But the pain- there had to be something wrong, there just had to be, because it was so bad she couldn't even think, and yet words came unbidden to the front of her mind- " _You're going to be okay, I promise. I won't let anything happen to you._ "  
Elsa nearly screamed as the pain doubled, then tripled, clutching her head and clenching her eyes shut tight against even the meager light the fire provided, " _I swear it, I will protect you. The pain will pass, and then no harm will ever come to you again._ "

xXx

When Elsa awoke, it was because Gerda had found her on the floor in front of the long dead fire, her hand still clenched around the mirror, sheets scattered behind her, clearly showing her progression from desk to hearth.  
But the pain was gone and for the first time in a week, she was refreshed; and when she caught her reflection in the glass she smiled, because somehow, despite feeling different, she also felt right.


	2. Prologue- Chapter 2

The night Gerda had found her sprawled across the floor had been nearly a week and a half ago, but she hadn't noticed anything strange since then-  
She hadn't mentioned to anyone about the pain she had felt or the voice she'd heard, both calm and steadfast and eerily familiar- she hadn't mentioned the nightmares or the daydreams of which she could remember nothing, because they had stopped as quickly as they'd came and even at eight, Elsa knew that these were all serious problems.  
Telling her parents would be a very, very bad idea- they had enough on their plate with her powers and if she added the events of the past month to it, she'd very likely never see Anna again.

Besides, if she tried hard enough Elsa could convince herself that she had made the entire thing up; you see, children and adults are much the same- they can persuade themselves of anything.  
And Elsa was currently persuading herself to pretend that nothing strange had happened at all.

The mirror sat in the desk drawer, and waited.

xXx

Before Anna had been born, Elsa had been a fairly serious child, and once separated she returned to a more quiet lifestyle.  
Her days were starting to take on a routine, which, while occasionally causing her some boredom, proved to be at the least productive and at the best, content:  
She would wake each morning and have breakfast with either Gerda or her mother; Anna was almost never awake enough to join, even before the accident.  
Afterwards, she would go to her lessons, usually set in the library- Anna was still too young to be in the same classes as her, and as such would the two would miss each other, only passing in the halls.  
Mondays and Wednesdays were history and science, Tuesdays and Thursdays were math, grammar and French and Fridays were diplomacy and law, as well as culture, which was now taught in books as opposed to venturing into town. Sundays were church, with Anna seated beside her mother and Elsa, her father.  
After her lessons, she would get some work done, either what had been assigned to her or, if no extra tasks had been given, getting a head start on the next chapter. Her mother would then come in for lunch and embroidery, which Elsa was torn between being grateful for and guilty of, knowing how busy of a woman the queen was.

The rest of the day varied only slightly from the mornings- she would read or practice her stitches or do some more classwork and then sit at dinner with her family, the only time she and Anna could interact without having it be cut short.

On this night, Anna was practically vibrating, "Elsa, Elsa! I found the HUGEST CAT EVER! He was SO BIG!"  
"How big was he, Anna?" Elsa could feel warmth settle in her chest, replacing the apathy from before, "Was he bigger than a horse?"  
"No! Not that big!"  
"Bigger than Kai?"  
"Elsa!" Anna tried to look stern but ended up giggling instead, "He's a cat not a person!"  
"Bigger than me!?" Elsa couldn't keep the grin off her face, but Anna answered her seriously with,  
"Almost!"  
"How big, then?"  
"He was…was…" Anna held her arms out, around two feet in length, "Like this big!"  
"That is really big! Did you pet him?"  
"Yeah he was really soft and so fuzzy!"  
"Did you name him?"  
"No…he ran away before I could… but maybe next time we can see him together!"  
Elsa smiled and nodded, "Maybe, if I can get all my work done in time, right mom?"  
The queen hesitated, but nodded, "If you two have supervision, then yes, that sounds fine."  
The king gave his wife a look, but said nothing. Elsa had been very good- perhaps it had been a simple accident, after all.

xXx

Elsa had worked harder the next day than she had any day previously- she flew through her book on Julius Caesar, and wrote the two pages her tutor had asked of her, then started her geography work, listing their strongest allies and trade partners by location and then, as an afterthought, added their capitals and leaders, as well.

Her mother came by for lunch again, and they embroidered while they spoke- the harvest had been good that fall, and trade was doing well- which meant that prices in luxury goods, including sugar and cotton, were down. Her father had ordered a large shipment of both for the castle, as well as chocolate, which made Elsa smile.  
She handed her mother what she had made, a flower stitched onto a white handkerchief, and asked her to leave it on Anna's pillow in the morning, as a surprise.  
She smiled and folded it neatly, sticking it in her front pocket before packing the supplies up and placing them on the cart, "She misses you, you know."  
"I know," She looked down, biting her lip, "I'm trying really hard to be good."  
"I know, honey. You're doing just fine- it's supposed to snow later- maybe, if you can finish all your classwork, you two can play outside together?"  
Elsa brightened visibly, eyes wide, "Really?"  
"If Gerda or myself is with you, I don't see it being an issue. But please remember, you can't use your powers."  
"I remember, Mama, and thank you!"  
"Of course, my dear, of course."  
And with that, she left Elsa alone to her studies.

xXx

All she had left was math.  
She did problem after problem, page after page of division and multiplication, but finally she was finished. It had taken her nearly forty minutes, but she had finally done it- and with daylight to spare.  
She stood and stretched, arms locked behind her head and smiled- her mother had been right, it was starting to snow.  
She bolted to the window, eyes wide- the flakes were wet and heavy, not ideal for packing but she could fix that easily and then her and Anna-  
She gasped when she realized she had frozen the sill over, frost trailing up the glass and across the wood.  
She shrank back into herself, fear clutching at her heart,  
No. They would never do anything together ever again, would they?  
Not like this.

And before dinner, her father brought her into his study and gave her a pair of white gloves, all smiles, telling her how this would help her control it, but she knew-  
" _He's afraid_."  
And whether it was the voice or her own thoughts didn't really matter, because it was true. Her father was afraid of her. Of what she could do.  
"Conceal, don't feel..."  
"...Don't let it show."  
The silent words unspoken but palpable between them,  
'or you'll never be able to see Anna again.'

xXx

As warm and lighthearted as the meal had been the day before, that's how stiff and practiced it was today.

Anna paid it no mind however, ignoring her sister's one word answers and pushing on with her story, "I wish you had been there, Elsa! It was so pretty! Not good for snowmen, though, but really cold and it stuck to everything! Even the little bench behind the stables! Did you know about that one!?"  
Elsa shook her head and Anna continued, "it's under the giant tree! Gerda says when it's spring it turns green and white and there are birds that live in it! Isn't that great?"

The gloves were soft, but they lacked the friction of her hands and her silverware kept slipping against them- they dulled her sense of touch and made everything seem far away and suddenly she was claustrophobic and her fingers were shaking so hard she had to put down her fork before she dropped it,  
"Do you wanna see it with me? Maybe tomorrow?" Anna looked to her parents hopefully, but neither responded and Elsa felt something sour pool in her stomach- she stood, abruptly, and asked for permission to leave the table while already halfway to the door.

By the time she made it to her room, she was running, so fast that when she got to her restroom she had to skid to a stop so she didn't run into the door; she tried to turn the knob but her hands found no purchase with the gloves and it took her a moment to get it opened- when she finally did, she crashed against it so hard that it bounced against the wall and had nearly shut itself by the time she collapsed.  
She was in a heap before her toilet and before she really comprehended what was happening, was expelling the contents of her stomach and then dry heaved a few more times for good measure, until curling up, finally spent; pale and trembling against the tub.

" _They're all afraid of you._ "  
"No they're not!"  
" _They are; and they have reason to be. You're dangerous._ "  
"I'm not! I'm not…!"  
" _You already hurt her once._ "  
And Elsa whimpered and made herself even smaller, ice forming between her palm and the gloves, but spreading no further.  
The gloves…  
"I need them."  
" _Yes._ "  
"Who are you?"  
" _A friend._ "  
"Will you stay with me?"  
" _Forever and ever._ "


	3. Prologue- Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM****

Her mother came to the room after dinner, knocking only as a courtesy before coming inside- by that point however, Elsa was sitting at the window, looking out.  
"Are you feeling alright, Elsa? We were all so worried when you ran off like that."  
"I'm feeling much better now, mother, thank you."  
"Elsa? Would you look at me, please?"

Begrudgingly, Elsa turned from the glass, meeting her mother's gaze for the first time since lunch.

"Thank you. What happened earlier? Did you feel ill?"  
"I did, I'm sorry- my stomach wasn't agreeing with me- it seems to have settled now, though."  
"I'm happy to hear that- did you…" she hesitated, not sure if she wanted to bring it up after her daughter had just become ill, but pushed through anyway, "Did you want to talk about before? I know you used your powers- did you-…"  
"I don't want to talk about it." Elsa was now staring down at her hands, encased in white and clenching and unclenching them, "I'll try harder."  
"Elsa, that's not…"  
"I don't want to talk about it. Please."  
The queen frowned but acquiesced- Elsa had the look of someone who was very close to breaking, and she would not be the one to push her to that point.  
"If that's what you want, dear, of course. Shall I have one of the maids draw you a bath?"  
Elsa nodded, meekly, but looked up when her mother cupped her cheek, "I love you, Elsa, no matter what. We'll do this bit by bit, together, and one day soon you'll be able to play with Anna again."  
" _She's lying to you, and you know it. There's no way you'll be able to control it- it's too strong._ "

She buried her head in her mother's chest and nodded, again.  
But to whose words, she wasn't sure.

xXx

The maid had finally gotten the tub filled and had tested it to ensure it wasn't too hot before curtseying and leaving Elsa to change. While not unusual for royals to have help bathing, Elsa had insisted on doing so herself since she was old enough to manage, and no one was inclined to disagree.  
Alone in her bathroom for the second time in as many hours, she stripped and sighed, removing the gloves.

With them off, she felt almost normal again.

She stuck her foot in the water but gasped, pulling it out quickly- it was hot; so hot she thought her skin would blister and peel.  
But she had seen the maid check the temperature- was this malice or neglect?  
Either way, it hurt.  
She sat on the floor and gingerly rubbed at the extremity- her foot and leg, all the way up to her knee, was bright red, as if scalded.  
" _The water isn't any hotter than usual, dear._ "  
"What do you mean? It's clearly burnt me!"  
" _You're unable to control your curse, I told you this earlier. Anything warmer than room temperature will seem exceedingly hot._ "  
"So this is enough to burn me?"  
" _I'm afraid so._ "  
"Is there anything I can do? I don't want to be stuck like this!" Elsa was very near tears and the voice took a moment to respond.  
" _Perhaps you can melt it out of you._ "

Elsa eyed the bath warily, but rose to a half standing position, hands on the edge of the tub.

"Do you think it'll work?"  
" _It's possible. No less likely than locking you away._ "  
An involuntary whimper made its way out of her throat; to willingly plunge herself into something this warm…  
" _You'll never know if you don't try._ "  
"I don't know if this is a good idea…"  
" _Do you want to see Anna again?_ "  
She stood to her full height and nodded, eyes never leaving the water.  
She could do this. She could do this for Anna.

She put first one foot in, and then the other- the pain was intense, the worst she had ever felt, worse even than all those nights ago, when her eyes felt as if they'd been set ablaze inside her skull.  
" _Sit. You won't get it out of you just standing in it._ "  
She choked back tears and lowered herself down, each inch further causing her to whimper and then sob; each gasp for air racking her body and causing the pain to worsen.  
Eventually, though, she made it to the bottom- water coming up to her collar bones, but her vision seemed strange- the bathroom somehow seemed darker than before and there was a loud noise that wouldn't stop and her throat hurt.  
And then there was nothing.

A maid had heard the screams, but by the time she had made it into the bathroom, the tub was covered with ice and Elsa unconscious at the bottom of it.

xXx

Elsa awoke in her bed almost two days later-  
apparently, she had passed out from the pain and by the time the maid had found her and broken through the ice, she had been half drowned.  
Her skin felt tight, as if canvas stretched too taught over its frame. The fact that she had frozen the bath over was what saved her, but after waking there had been a barrage of other issues- her fever still hadn't completely broken, instead falling and then suddenly spiking again- the air around her was perpetually cool, and the sweat beading down her face would immediately turn to ice and then melt just as quickly.  
She was delusional, sometimes answering questions that hadn't been asked and other times, repeating the same two phrases over and over;  
"Did it work?" and "Can I see her now?"  
She vaguely remembered seeing her parents, their faces blending into the dreams that flashed through her mind- mountains and pines and a lake, solid with ice and a mirror with her own eyes staring back, frigid and hard.  
And in the middle of it all, Anna, cold and still and covered in snow- dead by her hand.

xXx

"Elsa?"  
Her eyes fluttered opened, squinting against the light that came in through her window- it faced east and always flooded the room with sun.  
"Elsa? Mama and Papa said you were really sick… I wish I could help but they told me not to come in. But maybe, if you can get better soon, we can play again? I love you, Elsie."  
She tried to reply, but her voice was weak and Anna had already left before she could croak out, "I love you, too."  
She was asleep again within minutes.

"What were you thinking, Elsa?"  
Returning to consciousness was harder than the first time- it felt like she was swimming through fog, unable to distinguish up from down. She made a guttural noise in response, not entirely sure who was speaking.  
"You nearly scared us to death- first we nearly loose Anna and then you put yourself in danger? Why would you try to drown yourself! We love you so much, why would you ever be so reckless?"  
" _Lie_."  
"What do I say?" Her words were slurred together, barely able to be understood and her mother had to lean closer to comprehend-  
"What?"  
" _I was bathing_ ,"  
"I was bathing…"  
" _When I lost control again- I was trapped_."  
"When…When I lost control again… I was trapped."  
" _It was an accident…_ "  
"But it wasn't…"  
"Who are you speaking to?"  
" _It was an accident._ "  
"It was an accident…"  
" _Good girl, Elsa- we'll figure this out together, you and I._ "  
And Elsa just nodded and drifted back to sleep, the voice's gentle cooing drowning out her mother's words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to lie; this chapter was very, very difficult for me to write.  
> This story will not be lightening up any time soon- in fact, there will also be a trigger warning next chapter.  
> As always, thank you for the time you took to read this, especially if you've made it this far.  
> -Dana


	4. Prologue- Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM****

Her skin was still sensitive nearly a week after her fever broke, but she was finally able to move about- her parents insisted that she get back into her routine, with a few changes; she would no longer be attending family dinners, unless for a special occasion, and all trips out of her room must be supervised. She was also only permitted to bathe by basin from now on, since she refused to be babysat while in the tub.

The hardest part, however, was turning Anna away.

Every day she would stop by her door, shoving cards and letters and candies under her door, and talking to her, forever talking to her.  
And every day, Elsa would have to tell her to leave, her parents lack of trust evident in every shared glance and worried look.  
" _Don't you see? In their eyes, you're already irredeemable._ "  
"I'm not, though! I can change- I can be good, I swear it!"  
" _This isn't something you can promise, dear, it's beyond your control. Your powers are unreliable and impulsive- but with help, perhaps we can figure something out._ "  
"I don't know what else to try!"  
" _Give me time to think, I'm sure I'll come up with something. In the meantime, you should start your classwork. You don't want to give your parents any more reason to worry._ "

And Elsa nodded and sat gingerly on the hard wooden chair, feet swinging above the ground, and she wrote and wrote and wrote.

xXx

Time passed, day by day, and before Elsa knew it, she was twelve.  
Her parents had brought in a full length mirror a few months ago, but every time she looked in it her reflection made her ill- she was skinny, too skinny, and lanky- all arms and legs; and her hair, stringy and unnaturally blonde, only looked presentable up.  
The only time she could stand the sight of herself was in the looking glass she had found, all those years ago.  
Eventually, she threw a sheet over the mirror in the corner, and never looked at it again.

And as the days turned to months turned to years, Elsa didn't notice how much of her spare time was spent, looking into that hand mirror- didn't notice how she took to leaving it on her nightstand, instead of the drawer, how hours would pass in the middle of the night without recollection, just her and her eyes in the glass.

xXx

It was Anna's birthday.  
She was a mess- the buffet was covered in gifts and for the first time in a long while, the entire family was together- she would be able to see her sister- and maybe this time she would respond in complete sentences.  
Ten was a very big year, after all.

All her favorite foods had been prepared; baked salmon with herbs; potatoes, mashed with butter and garlic; krumkakes and chocolate pie.  
Her parents sat at the heads of the table, with her and Elsa directly across from each other- she hadn't realized how beautiful her sister had become until sitting- with an unobstructed view of her face, Anna was in awe.  
If she turned out half as gorgeous, she'd be lucky.

Elsa's eyes met hers and then immediately stared back down at her plate, her hands, her silverware- anywhere but Anna.  
"Happy birthday…"  
Anna beamed, "I'm turning ten today! Can you believe it!?"  
Elsa shook her head and Anna continued, "What was it like when you turned ten? Was it scary? Because I'm just really excited!"  
"Anna." Her mother gave her a look and Anna shifted in her seat, "Why don't you let Elsa eat before you barrage her with questions?"  
"But for the first time in forever she's out of her room!"  
" _Even Anna can see how strange it is for you to be locked away. Don't you resent them? For keeping you from her?_ "

Elsa pushed her potatoes around her plate, eyes dark and distant.

"Elsa will leave her room when she's ready- until then, let's not pressure her, okay Anna?"  
"' _When she's ready'? Does he mean 'When we're ready'? Because they haven't even tried to see past your curse._ "  
She squeezed her eyes shut as Anna pushed further, "Elsa, when will you be ready? I wanna play with you again- I miss you and…and only seeing you a few times a year…"  
" _They think you'll hurt her. They don't trust you. You'll never leave your room, just like your grandmother before you. You'll be there forever, a queen without a kingdom, trapped. Is that what you want?_ "

Elsa slammed her hands on the table, the clatter of dishes startling everyone, most of all Anna.  
She looked mortified for a moment, but only mumbled an apology before stalking out of the room, wooden wedged shoes clicking sharply against the polished floor.

No one followed.

xXx

Her room was an ice box.

Her powers had been growing stronger since she'd nearly drowned- Elsa paused, shaking her head- that day was fuzzy, still.  
" _Your curse acted without your consent, don't you remember?_ "  
"Yes…Yes, of course. I do remember, now." And she did- the clarity with which the memory had returned made her surprised she could have forgotten it- but she had become so scatterbrained lately, "I was bathing and it froze me underneath."  
" _Yes. Just a drop in the bucket as to why your parents are so ashamed of you- to have a daughter almost commit suicide-_ "  
"It was an accident!"  
" _Yes, of course it was, dear. But they don't believe you- they never will._ "  
"No…They won't, will they?"  
" _First you nearly kill your sister, and then yourself? No, I very highly doubt they will_."  
Elsa sat heavily on her bed, head in her still gloved hands, "I am a monster."  
Drifa didn't respond and Elsa fought back tears, "Conceal, don't feel…"  
" _That's my girl._ "

She looked around for a distraction, before her eyes settled on her pencil and sketchbook she grabbed for them, more violently then she had intended, and the pencil clattered onto the floor, tip broken. With a sigh she picked it up and grabbed the knife to sharpen it, but her gloves made the task difficult. She removed them, hesitatingly with shaking hands, and picked up the objects again, hoping to finish the job quickly before she froze the lead over.  
" _Be careful._ "  
Elsa hissed, bringing her finger to her mouth and sucking before pulling it away again- a line of red trailing down her thumb.  
" _It's fairly stark, isn't it?_ "  
She pushed at the wound, letting the blood bead a bit. Compared to her skin, it was almost black.  
" _Does it still hurt?"_  
She shook her head, bringing her finger to her mouth again, the taste of copper and salt and something else she couldn't quite identify.  
" _Do you feel better now?_ "  
And after a moment, she realized that she did.

xXx

"Aren't you hot like that?"  
Elsa shook her head and pulled her sleeves further down.  
Her mother's visits had become less frequent- perhaps twice a week for lunch and once a week for breakfast. Elsa knew that she had a lot of work to do as queen, so she wasn't offended.  
"Anna is getting rather proficient at riding. She found a book about American Cowboys and has been trying to teach herself to…what did she call it? Wrangle?"

Elsa focused on her embroidery, filling in the mountain range with a brown seed stitch.

"She's becoming quite good at roping. If she keeps at it, however, she may have to move to America." Her mother held back a laugh and Elsa pressed the needle through the fabric, letting it slide through her glove and into her thumb.  
" _Always a welcome distraction, is it not?_ "  
She was drawing blood, she knew it, but she kept her eyes steady as her mother smiled at her.  
"Perhaps she should be focusing more on her studies than pretending to be a 'cowboy'. She may very well have to take the throne, after all."  
"Elsa…"  
"I'm rather tired, mother. Would it be alright if we rescheduled?"  
"But I just arrived, and we don't see each other nearly often enough- I'm worried about you, dear, alone all day."  
She pushed the needle in further and felt it scrap against something solid, but her face betrayed nothing.  
" _Conceal; don't feel, Elsa dear._ "  
And finally her mother left, and Elsa was alone.

xXx

" _You've finally acknowledged that you may not reign?_ "  
"What choice do I have? It isn't getting better and in my condition I could never rule."  
" _On the contrary, I believe you would make a fine queen. Much better than your imbecilic parents._ "  
"My parents aren't imbeciles. They're just afraid."  
" _Perhaps; but it seems fairly idiotic to let such potential waste away- almost literally, dear. Do you even eat anymore?_ "  
"I eat when I'm hungry."  
" _Anna will never be capable of ruling, you must be aware of this. Despite the fact that she had the same opportunities to excel, she seems far more likely to slack off. You need to take the initiative- learn everything you can about every subject you come across- knowledge is power, as Sir Francis Bacon once said. And at the moment, you are rather powerless._ "  
Elsa had to concede that point, albeit begrudgingly,  
" _And Elsa, perhaps you could remove the needle from your thumb now? It's been a rather long time._ "


	5. Prologue- Chapter 5

The first thing she noticed was that sunlight was streaming through the window- but it was summer and that was nothing unusual- day lasted nearly nineteen hours.   
The second thing she noticed was that she felt stiff, as if she hadn’t moved in hours- she tried to lower her arm, but the cramping pain stopped her- she hissed and rubbed at the muscle.  
The third thing she noticed is that she had been holding the hand mirror- the one she kept by her bed at all times- and had apparently been staring into it for who knows how long. She glanced in it again and grimaced- she was more pale than usual and had a somewhat haggard look about her, but at least her eyes weren’t blood shot.   
“What happened?”   
_“You were in the middle of treating your thumb, do you remember?”_  
Slowly, the memories came back to her, hazy as if a dream- standing, removing her gloves (where were they? _On the pillow, dear, where you left them_.), heading towards her restroom where she kept the gauze and bandages that she snuck from the physician’s office one night, but after that, nothing.   
“Was I staring into this blasted thing all night?”   
“ _Elsa, language!_ ” she rolled her eyes at the faux reprove and Drifa continued, “ _You woke up just enough apparently, to check your face you vain girl, you. You’d only been staring at it for a few minutes._ ” That didn’t feel right- with how stiff she was and how gritty her eyes felt, it couldn’t have been minutes- but again, the memories came back to her- rolling over and sitting up, grabbing the mirror and looking at herself, searching for bags and blemishes.   
She really was vain.   
“ _You see? Nothing to worry about, aside from the amount of energy you exert worrying about your appearance.”_  
“Mother says a princess must always look her best.”   
“ _Your mother locked you away; are we really going to continue following her advice?”  
_ Elsa didn’t respond, and after a long pause, Drifa added,   
“ _So, what are we doing today?”  
“_ I’d imagine the same we do most days.”   
“ _You should bathe- you’re filthy.”  
_  
  
xXx   
  
It was snowing.   
Her head snapped up from her book (she had barely been paying attention to it, anyway), and turned towards the window.   
Since she had reached puberty, she’d been having a harder time resisting winter’s pull- and this year had been the worst yet.   
At fifteen, Elsa was tall and thin, lanky is the word she would use. She felt out of place in her body enough as it was, but this year’s winter caused her to literally feel as if her skin didn’t fit. She would scratch at it, sometimes enough to draw blood, but found no relief, and sometimes she would wake up in front of her window, hands pressed against the cold glass which, to her, felt as warm as her own skin.   
She knew exactly when it started snowing, and she shivered- her skin was crawling, goose-bumps covered nearly every part of her body.   
She bit her lip.   
“ _If only you could go outside. I’m sure it would hurt less.”  
_ And she realized she was right- it _did hurt_ \- enough to make her curl into herself, dropping the book onto the floor with a resounding thud.   
“Why is this happening?”  
 _“You’ve been getting stronger with every year, dear, despite your inane desire to never practice. It’s natural, for winter to want to be free.”  
_ “I’m not winter, though! I’m a human being!”   
“ _Winter lives in you, as it does nature. It’s a force that can be controlled no more than that of a wildfire. One does not tame a season, Elsa. One embraces it.”  
_ “If I do that, I’ll never see Anna again!”   
“ _Then continue to fight it, and see how long you last.”  
_ She tasted copper and realized she had split her lip- her blood was warm to the touch, though she knew it was as cold as the frost forming on the pane.   
“I will.”   
“ _Fight, or last?”_   
She didn’t have an answer, so she gave none.   


xXx

She had started marking her time by visits- her father and mother had been stopping by less and less often- as long as her tutors gave them their reports, they were happy.   
She came to dinner, even birthdays and holidays, less and less.   
Anna stopped at her door less and less.   
She marked her time by seasons, summer into fall into winter into spring, and eventually, she marked it by days and months between hearing her voice.   
  
Anna stopped knocking.   
  
And Elsa stopped counting time.   
  
xXx   
  
She was eighteen and her parents had left two days ago for a trip to Corona.   
Her dreams had been filled with storms; snow spiraling and wind howling and the sea, its waves huge and angry and frozen in place.   
She woke up in a cold sweat, cold even for her, and realized she had been clutching her sheets so hard they had come off her mattress, leaving her tangled in the soft fabric.   
Her gloves were still securely on; she checked that habitually, a compulsion born from fear and insecurity.   
They were on, but her room was still iced over- the glass so cold it could nearly shatter.   
She curled up tighter, pulling the covers over her head as she hugged a pillow to her chest.   
On nights like this, she pretended the pillow was Anna, and that she was telling her that it would be okay.   
That she forgave her.   
And she slowly cried herself back to sleep.   
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long wait- this story is rather difficult to write for a variety of reasons. But to those who took the time to read, and especially the time to comment and kudo, I thank you.


	6. Prologue- Chapter 6

Elsa didn’t leave her room for three months after her parents died.   
Not to go to the library, or the kitchens, or the study.   
She didn’t leave to attend meetings with parliament or check on affairs with the prime minister.   
Anything that needed her seal would be slipped under her door.  
If it was too thick, it was to be left until she heard the distinct sound of footsteps receding. 

Anna visited twice- first, when she had heard the news, though she never spoke and instead, just leant against the door sobbing until she fell into a fitful sleep; and the second, after the funeral, which Elsa couldn’t bring herself to attend. 

But once she realized her sister would be no comfort, she stopped knocking again, and sometimes Elsa wondered if she even remembered how. 

xXx 

_“Don’t mess this up, dear. You just have to make it through one night, and then everything goes back to normal.”_  
Elsa nodded, wringing her glove covered hands- after her failure in the study she was having her doubts.   
She caught a glimpse of red and green and she froze, hands clasped tightly in front of her; Anna.   
Her sister had grown beautiful over the past years- she barely saw her anymore, no more than passings in the halls.   
_“Will she even recognize you? It’s been so long, I doubt she even remembers your voice.”_  
Elsa’s eyes narrowed at this, as she drew in a shaky breath; she’d have responded, but people were quieting down now, as the Bishop took his spot at the altar.   
She just had to get through one night. 

xXx 

Elsa was beautiful.   
Anna snuck a sly glance at her sister, as she waited for the bishop to start the ceremony- between Hans and Elsa, she was struck by how plain she must seem in comparison.   
As Elsa removed her gloves to take up the relics her hands shook and Anna smiled at her, in spite of her sister’s focus being elsewhere- it must be nerve wracking, to take the throne.   
Anna never had the personality for it; her parents, her sister, the staff, they all knew she wasn’t fit to rule, a fact that left a painful place in her heart.   
She was Elsa’s heir, but only by default.   
Her sister told the room that the reception would be starting at the top of the next hour in the ballroom,   
and then she was gone; slipped away through the back when everyone else’s attention was on standing.   
But Hans was smiling at her with that gentle smile and she forgot all about it.   
For the first time in forever, someone noticed her.   
She would never be just the spare again. 

xXx  
“Please! I can’t live like this anymore!”   
“…Then leave.”   
Anna saw red; the temper her mother always warned her about, the one that came with her hair and from her father’s side;   
“What did I ever do to you?!”  
 _“She hates you.”_  
Elsa tried to deflect it, to leave, always leaving, out a door- no doubt about to shut that one in her face, too.   
“Enough, Anna…”  
“No! Why do you shut me out?! Shut the world out! What are you so afraid of!?”   
_“She hates you. She hates you she hates you she **hates you** ”_  
“I said _enough!_ ” 

A wall.   
A wall of spikes- clear like glass but cold.   
Elsa backed up as far as she could, back hitting the door and suddenly, it became very apparent to Anna why her sister had been gone for so many years.   
“Elsa…”   
And then, she was gone again. 

“I have to follow her!”   
“Then I’ll help you.”   
She smiled at Hans, grateful for his understanding- and for his men who were trying to calm the Duke from Wesselton, who had been shouting about witchcraft and making threats far above his stature.   
She tried to weave between the ice, but the spikes proved to be too close together- she’d have to take the long way around. 

xXx 

“Your majesty, are you alright?”   
There was too much everything; noise and people and motion and everywhere she looked she saw the those she had sworn to protect with her very life and   
_“You have to run- run, Elsa! They would kill you if they had the chance, they would stone you and burn you at the stake and not even your sister would stop them. You have to run.”_  
She felt something press against her back and reached out to steady herself, only to whirl at the sound of splintering ice.   
The fountain.   
“Elsa!”   
More noise, more motion and now her sister- she had to leave there was too much happening, too much activity, too many things that could go wrong.   
“Just stay away!”   
Another attack- more ice, more fear, more panic clutching so tightly at her chest she wasn’t even sure she could breathe- she could see it clearly, the same thing she saw every day, flashing back before her, a constant punishment for her deeds.   
Anna, still and cold.   
She ran.   
She ran until she couldn’t run anymore- stopped as she was by the water of the fjord.   
She was trapped.   
_"They're going to be coming for you, you know that, right?"_  
"Shut up!"  
 _"They're going to be right on your tail- torches and pitch forks and anger. They're going to kill you."_  
"It was an accident!"  
 _"They don't care about that; they saw magic- they saw what it could do- and they're going to take any steps necessary to remove it."_  
"What do I do?!"  
 _"You run. You run until you can't go any further, and then you fight."_  
Run. She had said that before, and Elsa had listened without a second thought.   
She could always run.   
But fight?  
"Will you help me?"  
And Elsa wasn't completely sure, but she felt as though the voice in her head, the one that had been with her for years, cooing to her gently with words of wisdom and support; she felt as though it had suddenly turned as cold as the air around them.  
 _"My dear, I thought you'd never ask."_

“Elsa, wait!”   
Anna, again.   
It seemed she was forever destined to hurt her, because the look on her sister’s face was that of pain.   
She backed up further, as far as she could, and felt her curse run through her legs and down, into the water below.   
She could always run.   
And so she did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I took so long to update- work has been crazy these past few weeks. I know this is short, but I should have a second up tomorrow, if things go to plan.   
> -Dana


	7. Prologue- Chapter 7

She had been heading north.   
She wasn’t sure why she was, having never gone further than the edge of town, back all those years ago when the gates were open and Anna was by her side.   
Anna.   
She would become queen now.   
_“That’s not a welcoming thought.”_  
“She can do it.”   
_“No, dear, she can’t. She isn’t ready for it, and I don’t know that she ever will be.”_  
Elsa didn’t respond for a while- she knew the truth in her statement and didn’t have the energy left in her to argue a point that she herself believed.   
Finally,   
“Where are we going?”   
_“You’re asking me? If I recall correctly, you’re the one leading.”_  
She didn’t answer, but instead stopped, eyes scanning the area- it was starting to look familiar, like the dreams she had that shouldn’t be possible, like the mountains that haunted her as a child.   
“Are we going to the North Mountain?”   
_“Now that you mention it, that’s a wonderful idea.”_  
She started to climb.

xXx 

The door to Elsa’s room was white with blue detailing- it had snowflakes painted on it and looking back, she realized the humor. 

It had been staring her in the face the entire time. 

Anna had been wondering for years and years why Elsa suddenly vanished from her life.  
Her thoughts ranged from the practical, (perhaps her sister was ill?) to the fantastic (Elsa was training to be part of a secret society of assassins and as such couldn’t interact with people outside of the sect), but no matter what she had thought, no matter what crazy theories she had come up with, ice powers had never crossed her mind.   
But the more she thought on it, the more it made sense. The gloves, the isolation (she chuckled to herself a bit at the unintended pun), the sullen moods and fear of touch. 

She placed her hand on the knob and turned it, hesitatingly. She had tried a thousand times, but each time it had been locked.   
But now that no one was inside, that was impossible. 

As she expected, the room was meticulous.   
Even as children, Elsa was organized- far more so than herself, at least.   
She lit the oil lamps lining the walls, and she could see that, in spite of neat appearance, damage was evident to the walls and floor, almost as if they had water damage.   
The window that overlooked the town and the harbor seemed out of place- she took a few steps closer and realized it was new.   
She remembered years ago, when her parents were alive and she was barely twelve, hearing a crash and screaming- she idly wondered if that was what had happened.   
The wind was picking up, rattling against the panes and blowing the leaves off the trees that lined the square.   
She had to find Elsa.   
She had to stop this winter. 

xXx

“I have to go after her!”   
“I’m going with you!”   
The temperatures were steadily falling, and Anna shuddered and rubbed some warmth into her arms before looking around at the assembly of citizens huddled together in the square.   
“Bring me my horse!”   
“Anna?”   
“She’s my sister, Hans, and she’s afraid. I need to do this alone.”   
“I don’t want to see you hurt…”   
“She’s my sister. She would never hurt me.”   
But her eyes must have betrayed her words, and Hans’ mouth set into a grim line, “It seems she already has. I’d rather you let me come with you- it’s dangerous and foolhardy to run headlong into a storm, especially with you being the last of the royal line.”   
“I’m not the last of the line, Hans. Elsa is alive.”   
“Of course, I only meant that if you were both to die, there would be no one to take the throne. You’re Elsa’s heir, and in her absence, you rule.”   
“Then rule for me, until I return.”   
He looked startled, eyes wide and brow furrowed, but nodded and placed his hand over his heart, “You have my word.”   
Anna mounted her horse and drew the cloak she had been given tighter around herself and with a yell she was out, past the gates and into the wilderness. 

xXx 

As the temperature dropped, further and further and then, beyond logic, further still, Anna realized just how dangerous a power like Elsa’s could be.

No wonder why her sister chose to hide.

Anna wondered if she had hurt someone before, but the more she tried to think about it, the further the thoughts seemed to be until she realized she was thinking about pine trees and how they stay green even in the dead of winter, without truly understanding how she had gotten to that point or why. 

It was cold- far colder than she could ever remember, sheltered as they were by the fjord- but even the deepest winters seemed to hold less chill. 

Her horse was certainly not thrilled with it. 

With a start, Anna realized that her sister could have gone in any direction and that she herself was lost.   
There was a noise, her horse reared and suddenly she was on the ground, buried up to her waist in snow.   
Her stallion was nowhere to be seen. 

xXx 

The mountain was tall.   
Tall and steep and she climbed, hand over hand, scrambling up the side of it, cuts forming across her palms, through her gloves.   
She had seen a slope- it would have been easier to climb that point, to find shelter and hide away but something kept drawing her forward, around the sheerest part, up and up, ever upwards until she and the sky were practically one.   
And then she saw it.   
Down, finally, _blissfully_ down, set in a valley of sorts on the north side- a lake- frozen over and glittering like it had been dusted in crystals.   
She started her descent, approval ringing through her head like bells. 

xXx 

She was not dressed for winter, not by a long shot and her hands were so cold they were almost numb. Her cloak was the heaviest her staff could find on such short notice, but it was more suited for spring than winter. Even her shoes were woefully lacking in warmth and everything hurt.   
How long had she been walking?   
She was lost and the only sounds were that of the forest night and a stream babbling somewhere in the distance.   
She headed towards it, hoping of find signs of life nearby but ended up falling into it not ten minutes later, slipping down the side of the hill and into the flowing water.  
Ice was forming where it stilled. 

Compared to the air, to her body, it was almost warm (but if it was warm, why was she still shivering, trembling so hard her teeth felt like they’d break and shatter to pieces?)   
She clambered onto the bank, curling her knees into her chest- maybe she’d feel better after she slept. She was suddenly so tired that keeping her eyes opened was a challenge and she was so cold and the snow so soft. 

Just a little rest; she would find Elsa in the morning.

She stopped shaking, her lips and fingers blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize, yet again, for the delay in updating. Work has been kicking my ass recently and I've also been handling some final college prep to start in the fall and haven't been sleeping well on top of it all.  
> In spite of it all, I hope you enjoy this chapter even though it's shorter than I had hoped.  
> We're going to start veering from the original story's plot now, which means that this is the last chapter of the prologue! (Oh, you thought this was the main arch? >:3 )  
> I wanted to thank everyone who has been reading this, and to all of those who take the time to kudo and comment. You guys are my life blood.

**Author's Note:**

> I will ensure all trigger warnings are posted at the beginning of the relevant chapters.   
> Thank you for taking the time to read this, and feel free to follow me on tumblr @ www.fallenhearts13.tumblr.com for drabbles, one shots and links to the Hey, Blondie saga.   
> -Dana


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